Sunday, June 10, 2007

Da Vinci Code Movie in Tamil

Not composed by me...

Robert Lingam I.P.S (Vijayakanth) visits Madurai to deliver a lecture
in college about public safety. The head pujari of Meenakshi temple is murdered. He was stabbed to death, but before dying he lies down in the robotic break dance position next to a shiva lingam, the message clearly being "call robert lingam". He had also smashed the breasts of a goddess statue and hung a bell with a chain from her hip. Also clutched in his hand is the Congress party manifesto with the 49% reservation for OBCs underlined with his blood.

Pujari's grand daughter Mahalakshmi (Sneha) had just returned from USA with a degree in cryptology, symbology, singing and group-dance. She cuts short her weekend trip to Chennai and returns to Madurai upon the murder.


She meets Commissioner Lingam at the murder site and together embarkto solve the murder and in the process "witness the biggest cover up in Hindu history". "My 'Thaatha' used to insist that me and my brother play hide and seek inside the temple", said Mahalakshmi.

"Why the congress manifesto? Why the underlining on the reservation part? Was your thaatha going to lose his job as head-priest to an OBC candidate?",puzzled look on Lingam's face with knit eyebrows."Thaatha always said reservation was plain bull shit"

"What?"


"Bull shit - very rarely he used english but whenever this topic used tocome up, he wud use that term"Lingam's eyes lit up. "That's the clue...yes, bull shit, oh Rama how did i miss that", excited he clutches Mahalakshmi's wrist as they bolt out of the murder scene.

"Where is the biggest Nandi bull statue in this temple complex?"

"by the east gate"

"Let's go".................

Lingam put his hand into the orifice which was the asshole of the
Nandi bull statue. His fingers felt the cold touch of an ancient palm leaf. Pulling it out Lingam attempted to read under the flickering light of the solitary lamp post nearby.neatly written in outdated tamil script were the lines,


"Kai Anchu, Vaai Nooru Periya bookukule oru chinna book"
"Ah", Lingam sighed.

"What does it mean?"
"I have heard both these lines before...but in a very different context"

Lingam looked skywards for some divine intervention to help him solve this new clue. Towering into the skyline in front of him as dawn was breaking,was the tall gopuram of the temple. Quickly turning around, a smile danced on Lingam's lips as his sight fell on all the five towers. "The five towers, phallic symbols...the five Pandava brothers, We need to get to a library,I need to see the original copy of the Kama sutra", "this early in the morning?" asked Mahalakshmi as they hurried towards Lingam's jeep.


As they jeep hurtled towards the town library, Lingam explained, "
Few temples in India are famous for their erotic art and architecture.

The kings built those to encourage population growth. For centuries, there has been rumours of a secret society that guarded a secret behind such art and symbols, a secret so powerful that if revealed would shake the very foundations of conservative culture."

COMING SOON TO A SCREEN NEAR YOU....
WITNESS THE GREATEST COVER UP IN HINDU HISTORY
A SECRET SO DEVASTATING THAT IF REVEALED COULD LEAD TO EVEN MORE
CATACLISMIC POPULATION EXPLOSION.....

WAS THE MOST NOTORIOUS PIECE OF INDIAN LITERATURE ORIGINALLY PART OF
THE GREATEST EPIC POEM EVER WRITTEN?
WERE THE MEN AND WOMEN OF THE KAMASUTRA THE SAME GODS AND GODDESSES
GLORIFIED IN ANCIENT TEXTS?

CONTINUING WITH THE MODERN INDIAN TRADITION OF BLATANTLY APING THE
WEST....
A.M.RATNAM PRESENTS
CAPTAIN in

THE DA MACHI CODE
'SO CORNY A DARK MAN'
PONGAL 2007

2 comments:

Fronde said...

Thanks for writing this.

sahil said...

good work..:)